O.P.M. HOCKEY CLUB
2nd XI Match Reports
Season 2005/2006
24/09/2005 (A) vs Tavistock B, SW District 1
by Ian 'Stuart Hall' Johnson Fielding an unfamiliar midfield with 3 debutants OPMs hung on to secure the draw after being 2 goals up at half-time.
With The Flying Doctor and Russ missing we were always going to struggle in attack but the defence was buoyed by the return of Copper and Tuckett the latter looking tanned and toned like a rugby-playing Kate Moss. Sadly, Luke, it seems, is destined for greater things than mere hockey and is currently Logistics Product Carrier Controller at Tescos which prevents his appearance. And then the Logans swept into the car park and all was well with the world:
‘They’re kookey and they’re crazy
The Logans love their hockey
Gareth is a tosser
And Rob’s cholesterol free
With Rhys along to cheer us
Teams will really fear us
Unfotunately they’re Welsh
The Logan Fam-i-ly
Tavy stormed back but Gary, Ali, John and Ian J proved a difficult barrier to penetrate. With seconds left in the 1st half OPMs had a series of shots blocked, one of which by a body part-flick. But who to take it? John H made the long journey up from the back but took so long he forgot why he had crossed the halfway line. Gareth lingered hopefully around the spot but finally Tuckett took up the mantle, finished sweetly (0-2) and then buggered off to a dinner appointment. What dedication! Enter Steve Copper, the prodigal defender but could he hack it after almost 2 years of aromatherapy and scalp massages to cure his back problem?
The 2nd half started well and then finished and then started again as the Tavy umpire forgot whose push-back it was. Tavy used the speed of their youngsters to carve openings and in patches the OPM attack matched them- Pete was heard to remark that Gareth had got an extra yard of pace but a lot less skill. The pressure told, however, and we conceded 2 quick goals. It was time for heroics and sweat and new boy Toby with a freshly shaved dome provided that…the sweat, that is! He positively glistened on the left wing and provided the outlet for clearances from the unorthodox, but effective, Ian Bell look-a-like Damian. Honey and Frost combined well to threaten on the right with Rob Saunders chasing everything.
Then ….the answer to the question. Copper…last man….rampaging Tavy 14 year old on a jinxing run…Copper forces him wide…clever but has he got the pace?….and then a nudge tackle to nullify the danger. What a pro!
So that’s how it ended. OPMs lucky to hang on but with new and old faces having to play in unfamiliar positions it bodes well for the season ahead. Then back to the pub where Ali gave us a masterclass in the use of tongs for the sausages and spread his brown chilli sauce around liberally! Sadly, Gareth resorted to burbling inanely and in response to the question ‘Where’s my otter?” admitted he could take 20 a match. Pincher was still like an excited dog and I’m sure I felt his cold wet nose brush against my leg more than once. HeyHo!
Score: Tavistock B 2-2 OPM A
OPM Scorers: Pincher, Gary Tuckett
Team: James G, Ali, John H, Ian J (MoM), Pete, Gary Tuckett, Steve Copper, Gareth, Pincher, James Frost, Rob S, Damian, Toby Harnett.
Match Conundrum: SNOUTY LIP and SPINY LOUT are both anagrams of the new Argyle Manager Tony Pulis
01/10/2005 (H) vs PGSOB C, SW District 1
by Ian 'Pulitzer' Johnson Despite the absence of Frosty and our talisman goalkeeper, the Mingo, OPMs hung on to secure a 2-2 draw against a lively PGSOBs side in a game which witnessed the most tense and exciting MOM award ballot ever!!!
First, however, apologies to some readers for the BIG WORDS used in last week’s report. Gary T suffered a severe headache and RSI (repetitive stress injury) from excessive thumbing through the dictionary. A special needs version of this weeks report can be found as an attachment with lovely pictures to colour in…. Also apologies to the Logan clan for the mild obscenity which was not picked up by the Granny-guard filter and which caused some upset to a certain elderly relative.
OPMs had more attacking options this week with the return of O-Moody, Poplar and Cross but had to do without the back-up of Honey who was requisitioned (sorry Gary!) to umpire. From the start OPMs were under pressure and Mr. Panic again came to tea as we struggled to clear our lines. The (Late!) arrival of Gary much improved this and allowed Ian J to push up to close their midfield down. However, PGs soon scored but OPMs came right back at them and replied….and what a reply! Frankly, some people had worried whether Gareth had lost the plot recently. He was spending long periods of games lying in the foetal position making low whining noises at the umpire. But on this occasion he beat 1, took it round another and slammed it into the bottom left corner with the cry “That one’s for Carys!” Awesome!
OPMs had other chances with Chris P making surging runs, Russ a valuable outlet, Rob S caressing the left touch-line and Pincher doing sterling work on the right. If he had hugged that post like last week he might have scored again as Poplar produced several teasing crosses from the left. What a slag!
In the 2nd half OPMs soaked up still more pressure and James G and Ali produced heroics in defence. Indeed, from a short corner the Flying Scotsman nearly lost one of his 3 testicles (don’t ask….it was in the British Medical Journal last year) with an amazing crotch/goal-saving dive to deflect a certain goal-bound shot. John H got in the act and saved one on the line but couldn’t stop the return…2-1 and, truthfully, it was hard to see where an OPM goal would come from. But you can’t keep an old dog down and Gary T stepped up and converted a short corner strike….2-2. Suddenly OPMs were on the attack with Rob C driving into the ‘D’, Toby almost beating the keeper and both sides looking for a winner. From a clever piece of intercourse PGs manufactured a 1 on 1 with only Gary to beat……5 minutes later Gary returned to the pitch after serving his time for a blatant back stick tackle which effectively ended the PGs attack and the singing career of the poor PGs forward.
So ended a hard fought game which Luke missed as he was detained in Tesco’s car park as Product Transportation Officer. James G enthusiastically called for 3 cheers…….for his own team! It probably cost him MOM, the vote for which, positively crackled with tension. The odd couple-Tuckett and Johnson-shared 4th place and the elder of the two caused concern by having to be escorted back to his position on the right repeatedly during the game. Post match he also walked past his own car in the car park and was seen to be frantically pressing the unlock button …..pointing it at a Jag! The real drama came with a re-ballot and then a further ballot which was like a Tory Leadership election and not without a little friction between James G, Damien and Chris P. Ultimately, the winner was Damien whose attempts at trying to change his ‘hockey action’ have attracted attention from the club captain and the Human League: To the tune of chorus in ‘Love Action ( I believe in Love) ‘Charlie loves his Love Action
But Damien’s change is a distraction
Not changing…well not in league games
Damien loves his Love Action’
(Repeat to fade)
Must go – need to get back to reality. Baaaaa! Score: OPM A 2-2 PGSOB C
OPM Scorers: Gareth Logan, Gary Tuckett
Gary TuckettTeam: James G, Ali, John H, Ian J, Gary Tuckett, Gareth, Pincher, Rob S, Damian (MoM), Toby Harnett, Chris Poplar, Rob Cross, Russ Moody, Rob Saunders
Match Conundrum: The incidence of 3 or more testicles is called Polyorchidism
08/10/2005 (A) vs Penzance B, SW District 1
by Ian 'Where does he find the time' Johnson 13 brave souls crossed the Tamar Bridge and returned victorious against a young Penzance side to secure the OPMs 1st win of the season. But had we all returned? Luckily, some of us will be returning next week to try and locate the Honey, destined to pace the corridors of Penzance club House muttering about never getting the ball! LOST!
You know when you’re in car on a longish journey and the gentle purring of the engine lulls you into a sleepy, dreamy state…..and then some dickhead feels he has to fill in the pauses with verbal diarrhoea? Well, we had Gareth in the car. “What are your views on wind turbines?”…..”Oh look, The House of Fishes!”. Those who didn’t make the trip were lucky. John Horton is far too wise to risk an enclosed space with anyone, Russ wouldn’t be seen dead in Cornwall, Mingo is nursing a septic toe and Damien was still extracting the hockey stick which Charlie, true to his word, had inserted after learning Hughes had not converted to the faith. Ouch! The problem with playing a team of youngies is that:
a) You pull out of tackles
b) Your team gets pulled down
c) You start offering them sweets to distract them
d) You take them out anyway! (only Gary…)
OPM Scorers: Chris Poplar (2), Pincher
Team: James G, Ali, Mike Whitworth , Ian J, Gary Tuckett, Gareth, Pincher (MoM), James Frost, Toby Harnett, Chris Poplar, Rob Cross, Pete Honey, Rob Saunders
Match Conundrum: Did you know dogs can’t look up (See Gary if disagree)
15/10/2005 (A) vs Falmouth, SW District 1
by Ian 'Still finding the time' Johnson ‘Going up Camborne Hill, coming down
‘Going up Camborne Hill, coming down……’ Crossing the Tamar for the 2nd week should have made us honorary Trelawny men but the locals of Truro/Falmouth had other ideas as OPMs ground out a deserved win against the obstacles of some dodgy umpiring and a roasting hot October day. Returning was the Mingo after cosmetic surgery to his seventh toe (sensibly he has realised 6 is enough for any man) along with John H and his dog and the young Daniel Tuckett, who denies any family connection to the veteran, Gary. Russ was back in attack but Gareth and Ali had gone AWOL. Rumour has it that Ali had celebrated his birthday a little too well having eaten all of his party bag from the Ski Lodge and drunk copious amounts of orange squash. Silly Boy! The game was a niggly affair with umpires letting much go and penalising OPMs for breaking into a sweat. Falmouth had about 8 short corners several of which nearly went in from their reverse drag flick expert but for the efforts of Mingo and James G who played solidly at left back. OPMs didn’t have 1 short corner! Not a surprise-Cornish rules, I suppose. All the more satisfying for us to go in at half time 0-2 up with a Rob Cross score and Russ finding the corner with a wind-up that defies gravity. Those ‘Pilates for the Newly Weds’ classes are really helping his technique! We had survived a reverse stick drag to the bar which left Mingo whirling round looking for the rebound……. “it’s behind you, Paul….” and had started to combine well with Damien and Chris P beginning to find some space and Pete H providing the crosses. 2nd half, however, started disappointingly with the ball given unnecessarily which meant OPMs didn’t profit from the attacking threat on the right of Pincher and James F. If OPMs got close to the D an unpenalised foul would end the move. Pincher was lucky not to be crushed as he lay on the ground after having been scythed down. Gradually, however, with Gary T continuing to frustrate and with the 3rd goal OPMs were looking in control again. Toby has taken well to his ‘Hard man’ label using a hand-off effectively and even dipping his chips in mustard! Spicy! 10 minutes to go and on came debutant Daniel T who impressed on the left wing. A refreshing change to the greed and selfish dribbles of another Tuckett who shall remain nameless! I wonder if he is the youngest player the OPMs have ever fielded?? Answers on a postcard please to……….Luke would have been proud but, of course, was absent due to his commitments as Aluminium Retail Carrier Coordinator. It was this same Tuckett who managed to get us lost on the way back to the pub and to subject us to Little Jimmy Osmond’s ‘Long Haired Lover from Liverpool’. Back at the pub Ian Johnson received MOM but feels he only received it for his technique in managing to accommodate sausages, chips and tomato sauce on …..a 2 ply napkin. Try it at home! Not easy, the trick is to keep moving the sauce around before it soaks through. He has donated the award to Rob C and James G’s Mum jointly, the latter providing some delicious chocolate cookies which James was trying to hide in his spare underpants. Rob S had an embarrassing encounter with one in the shower but with enough elbow grease the stain should come off. The cookies were great and the team spirit is massive this season with 15 travelling to deepest Truro and everyone working hard for each other. The return will be a different kettle of fish at Lipson when OPMs will play a fast passing game and not stop like cats in headlights waiting for a whistle. Score: Falmouth 0-3 OPM A
OPM Scorers: Russell Owen-Moody, Rob Cross (2)
MoM: Ian J (disputed by recipient - donated to Rob C/James G’s Mum)
Team: Paul Mingo, John H, James G, Ian J, Gary Tuckett, Pincher, James Frost, Toby Harnett, Chris Poplar, Rob Cross, Pete Honey, Rob Saunders, Damien H, Russ O-M, and introducing…..Daniel Tuckett
Match Conundrum: Jimmy Osmond made his TV debut at the age of 3 on The Andy Williams Show
22/10/2005 (H) vs United Services HC Plymouth A, SW District 1
by Ian 'It just keeps on coming' Johnson Battling against driving rain, a near flooded pitch and a flurry of flying sticks OPMs dominated the game playing some of their best hockey of the season so far against a team above them in the league. Again, 15 willing souls turned up with 3 new debutants Jamie H, Andrew G and the slightly older, Martin Freeman who played like it says in his name on the tin. Ali returned at left back which meant we could employ subs in favourite positions, in pairs to try and minimise disruption. From the off OPMs were in passing mood while their opponents seemed to struggle to get with the pace. Both wingers saw much of the ball as Chris P, Ian J and Martin combined to service the front runners. Pressure told and, yet again, Gary converted a short. We’ve only got 1 move but does it work or what! OPMs could have scored more but towards half-time the balance shifted to USHC. Gary T received a green for a sliding effort… “I took his legs…Oh yeah … and the ball!” and Mingo dealt well with a goal-bound effort but, in truth, it was more to do with substitutes needing time to get to grips with the pace and their sticks! Not since the freak hockey stick storm of 1986 when Hurricane Jemima swirled up a hockey accessory shop in Dulwich have we seen so much flying wood. Worse still the author’s wife, Debbie, and children had to be rescued on the sideline when they misjudged the tide while cockle-picking and found themselves waist high in rampaging Lipson foam. Luckily our trained Lifeguard, James G, and Toby and James F were at hand to the rescue and also did marvellously to repair the levy wall with wooden hoardings, some sand bags and a small bag of jelly babies. Unfortunately, Debbie’s pasty was lost to the elements. The 2nd half saw continuing OPM pressure with Martin playing like the new James Bond-cool, suave and debonair (just not as prodigious in the hair department)- feeding Honey at will. And then some magic….Paul Mingo dons the Hogwarts sorting Hat and calls on substitute Pincher who responds by sweeping a perfect Freeman cross in to the net… 2-0. Once again Albus Mingo conujures up another super sub with ‘Frosty’ who delightfully reverse sticked OPMs into a 3-0 lead. And it could have been many more with Gareth having two 1-on-1s and a flick saved by the keeper all in the space of 5 minutes. With seconds to go Chris P celebrated Trafalgar Day with a flying stick broadside aimed at their bewildered keeper and Gareth was carded by Logan senior for bad-mouthing the French navy tactics - a wonderful father and son moment never to be forgotten. Good to see the 3 newbies playing so well but MOM was clearly won by Pincher mainly for his tireless efforts for the League against cruelty to rabbits but all played well although:
- It would be nice if John H could shave more often.
- Please Honey….no more open-toed sandals unless you really are going to walk on water!
- New age TV chefs Poplar and Goodships need to practise combining chips and pizza at the same time rather than an interval of 15 minutes between them
- Ali must try to avoid leaving any further wet deposits on clubhouse chairs.
- Rob Logan’s new book ‘Being Intimate with Birds of Prey’ is eagerly awaited…. “Is that a young buzzard..oh no…it’s seagull!”
OPM Scorers: Gary Tuckett, Pincher, James Frost
Gary Tuckett, Gareth LoganTeam: Paul Mingo, John H, James G, Ali Rose, Ian J, Gary Tuckett, Pincher (MoM), James Frost, Toby Harnett, Chris Poplar, Martin Freeman, Pete Honey, Gareth Logan, Andrew G, Jamie H
Match Conundrum: Nelson’s full title at the time of his death was…Vice Admiral of the White The Right Honourable Horatio, Viscount Nelson, Knight of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath
05/11/2005 (H) vs Tavistock A, SW District 1
by Ian 'Wheres last weeks report?' Johnson This was always going to be a toughie! Tavy have scored at will this season and are looking to run away with the title but up to half-time OPMs were their equal and went in 1-0 up with no intentions of surrendering their unbeaten record. Alas, victory ebbed away through a combination of tiredness and lack of control. Harsh but true… No-one died! No Rabbits were harmed in the course of the game but defeat is always hard to take and this writer must apologise for being a grumpy old git. Having given Pincher a verbal mauling I felt I had to give the bearded wonder a hug. I’m sure I felt a little scrabbling of something fluffy and warm down below but it was a private moment thank you…..Next match I must bring some lettuce and a sugar cube to coax the little monkey out….Rabbits, if you didn’t catch on! We missed two left-sided stalwarts, Damien and James Manshipgoodworths, but were bolstered by our own naval royal correspondent, Richard (287th in line to the throne) Davies who came armed with a jockstrap full of compromising photos of Harry failing the annual ‘buttoning up of the shirt challenge’ and ‘the Sand Hurst stampede’ in which recruits run through the streets of the local town wearing only a tiara and carefully positioned picture of Pauline Fowler (from Eastenders). Returning were Andy G and Jamie H and the ‘Sweatmaster’ Rob Cross. From the off OPMs looked bright and threatening. Honey and Davies, wide, provided the outlet and Rob C and Chris P probed away. Ian J man-marked their centre half and stifled their creativity while the back line were awesome with John H playing his best game since 1987….As the half progressed OPMs soaked up pressure but responded superbly with a 5 minute passage of passing brilliance culminating with a diving score by the determined Rob S who threw himself into the fray rather like the terrier who had disrupted the previous game when it ran manically around chomping frantically on the match ball. Jamie H did well on the left and half-time came OPMs one up and feeling confident. The 2nd half saw more Tavy pressure which yielded an equaliser, then another and several short corners. Tavy’s lethal short routine caused a real threat and only Mingo’s bravery and an amazing goal line clearance by John Horton kept them out. Despite the change in score OPMs continued to press but too often were guilty of keeping hold of the ball too long instead of an early ball wide for Pete or James to run on to and hold up while support arrived. Gareth and Frosty so nearly equalised but instead a sweet Tavy short corner strike effectively ended the game. OPMs never gave up and Toby’s marking of the speedy Tavy forward was as tight as a badger’s arse. The poor youngster often found himself squashed under a sweating mass fighting for breath. Rob C, Chris P and Andy G continued to press and the galloping GP nearly got one back with a dribble that, for once, penetrated the Tavy backline. The final whistle blew with a Tavy short corner to come which developed into a flick which beat Mingo. 1-4. Of course, it was disappointing but we will need to raise our game again to beat Bodmin next week which we can do with quicker passing, keeping possession and similar graft. Rob S edged MOM over Chris P and Mingo and played his best game this season. Gary proudly announced he had seen Luke asleep in the car park of Tescos in a trolley under an XXL sweat shirt. He obviously takes his job very seriously. More importantly, where has Rob Logan’s backside gone? His cosmetic surgery has not gone unnoticed and he is desperate need of a wardrobe make-over with Trinny and Susannah (or perhaps the fashion-conscious Alisdair and John Horton). Lastly, an appeal for a lost little soul…..Honey. He was last seen dejectedly dragging his stick in the trough of despair and unusually didn’t make it to the clubhouse where his bowl of warm milk sat untouched in the corner. Be careful when approaching as he might snap but try and blow up his nostrils…they love that! Score: OPM A 1-4 Tavistock A
OPM Scorer: Rob Saunders
Team: Paul Mingo, John H, Rob Cross, Ali Rose, Ian J, Gary Tuckett, Pincher, James Frost, Toby Harnett, Chris Poplar, Pete Honey, Gareth Logan, Andrew G, Jamie H, Richard Davies, Rob Saunders (MoM)
Match Conundrum: The 1st shopping trolley was introduced in 1937 by Sylvan Goldman owner of the Piggly-Wiggly supermarket chain.
12/11/2005 (A) vs Bodmin A, SW District 1
by Ian 'These are getting longer' Johnson OPMs eventually found the net and continued their winning form in Cornwall against an organized 10 man Bodmin side in a match which was not without incident, testing the resolve and repressed libidos of the 12 gallant travellers, one of whom nearly crossed the ‘Graham Rix line ‘ with his obsession with his Wookey. (For devotees of ‘The Fast Show’): ‘........me....the Left wing of the OPMs ‘A’ left alone in The Red Dragon Sports and Leisure complex with the West Devon Girls U14, U16 and U18 teams......with my Wookey......in the showers......they must be barking mad......’ OPMs took a reduced squad to Bodmin and nearly went short of numbers as Ian J got lost looking for the Saltash Travel Lodge- but he was looking in Liskeard at the time. Gary, it seems, had strained his Achilles in a freak football accident-freakish in the sense of actually running for the ball! Russ, too, had succumbed to injury at training which meant Gareth shouldered the responsibility up front which obviously affected him as he wrestled (literally!) with the attentions of the opposition. Initially, OPMs looked off the pace as they continued with their sexual fantasies after the welcoming choice of either “ Netball Girls U14 dressing rooms to the left, U16 to the right in with the U18”….Wow! Soon , however, we began to threaten and could have scored but for a series of saves by the Bodmin keeper. Similarly, Mingo blocked good strikes from Bodmin short corners and James F showed the value of his speed by clearing a ball of the line before an attacker could follow in. By half-time, however, OPMs were beginning to wonder if the promised goal would come and Bodmin celebrated 0-0 as if they had just won the Thunderball! The 2nd half was far more controlled with Rob Cross, Pete and Andy causing problems and the Gang of four-Ian J, James F, James G and Ali-stubbing out any threat. Ali was superb throughout and showed just why he shouldn’t be playing on the left! And then, the incident which changed the game as Gareth was taken out by the Bodmin keeper just inside/outside??? the ‘D’. Tempers frayed and when Gareth went down again under the keeper’s challenge our Welsh rarebit lashed out earning a yellow card. Suddenly with only 10 men OPMs decided to pass it around and how…! Some of the passing that followed was majestic as Andy, Ian J and Pincher combined with James F who pushed up effectively in support. Within 2 minutes Honey had made the breakthrough with shades of Gary’s knob on the line. Then OPM pressure earned a short converted by Chris P who played a typically crucial role in the centre and the game was sealed with an exquisite series of passes which Pincher finished off. Several of our players seemed to be carrying afflictions. James G played brilliantly but seemed off-colour as he had managed to get his hand in the way of short corner and suffered severe bruising. Pincher, the tosser, was hit by a drag flick to the ribs in the warm-up and cried until Nicky told him to .. “do one, rabbit features..” and then got on with it. Rob S had managed to acquire a Wookey from Burger King and was wearing it in his sock and was seen more than once asking it for tips on how to pick up young girls. This distraction explains how he managed to refuse a poke with Gary’s knob for a certain goal and perform an extraordinary reverse stick pass from their goal line. Andy managed to secure MOM despite missing a flick and then confessing it was his 2nd worst flick. Christ knows what his 1st was like! A most satisfying result with some great 2nd half passing. A mention for Gareth’s show of maturity as he kept himself off after his 10 minutes holiday realising it could provoke things. Just a pity he forgot his grundies and had to ‘go commando’ on the way home unless there is some West Devon U16 Netball player hoping to meet the proud owner of the Calvin Kleins she found in her kitbag……still warm…. Score: Bodmin A 0-3 OPM A
OPM Scorers: Pete Honey, Chris Poplar, Pincher
Gareth LoganTeam: Paul Mingo, James G, Rob Cross, Ali Rose, Ian J, Pincher, James Frost, Chris Poplar, Pete Honey, Gareth Logan, Andrew Gardner (MoM), Rob Saunders
Match Conundrum: Someone in the 2nd team suffered severe right buttock bruising recently and 3 days later found the undeniable image of Jesus/Bob Marley on his rear. I’m a believer!
19/11/2005 (H) vs Plymouth Marjon D, SW District 1
by Gareth 'Giving Johnners a run for his money' Logan Another week and yet another barnstorming victory for the mighty OPMs, well almost. A squad of twelve turned up to play on a crisp November morning, at the Stadio Del Rob Logan. Pincher’s new stick was the talk of the team prior to push back, an early Christmas present from Mrs Pincher. After a late fitness test Ian Johnson was declared unfit to play due to an incident involving a very sharp 2B pencil and an irate pupil, resulting in lead poisoning. So on to the game against a very young side and as Alan Hansen quite rightly said “You can’t win anything with kids”. The OPMs started brightly with some neat one touch passing from the midfield with Chris Poplar and James Frost Controlling everything early on. Numerous chances were created early on and the pressure told with Andy G putting a chance away reverse stick after another good cross from Rob Cross. Shortly after Pincher got his name on the score sheet again, with a well taken deflected shot on goal after another Rob C Cross. It was after this that the author would like to point out that he was possessed by an evil spirit (some would say vodka left in his liver from the night before) causing him to miss a wide open goal. The third followed with another sweeping move by the OPMs resulting in Rob Cross finding Andy G in the D and the Scotsman put between the keeper and the post wisely ignoring the now confidence lacking Welshman in the centre. So the OPMs went into half time 3-0 up and discussing ways to increase the lead, however as Alan Hansen forget kids always play with nothing to lose and the marjons players started to play better hockey. This new found confidence coincided with the home side’s poorest patch of play and they got back in the game with a goal. John Horton then decided he felt like scoring a few and took the ball OVER the half way line for the first time since the 80’s. However after beating a few players for pace and skill, well skill anyway, he was robbed of the ball and a sweeping move by marjons resulted in there second goal. The OPMs held on for the final 10 minutes during which Ming the Merciless or Mung The Magnificent, whichever you prefer, pulled of some great saves. However the final whistle went and the OPMs had held on for a shaky 3-2 win. After returning to the Luke Patterson Memorial Bar, Paul Mingo was the run away winner of the man of the match award after another solid display. The OPM A mascot’s Jake, Sam and Rhys came back to the club to participate in some light refreshment and most of the chips and then disappeared to play football. It was then that Ian J turned up to tell us he had just got the all clear on his test results from derriford and would be fit to play next week. One serious point needs to be raised about the on going John Horton / Ian Johnson will they wont they saga with John H declaring for all to hear that he was very secure in his sexuality. After this Gareth L and Chris P sat down and gazed in wonder as the setting Sun lit our pints of lager with the gleam of its wondrous rays. Its was a poetic moment in which we sat and pondered some of the worlds more serious problems, after some thoughtful reflection it suddenly came to me in a flash, Wales were going to put Lee Byrne at full back and Gareth Thomas at inside Centre, inspired!!! Score: OPM A 3-2 Plymouth Marjon D
OPM Scorers: Andrew Gardner (2), Pincher
Team: Paul Mingo(MoM), James G, John Horton, Rob Cross, Ali Rose, Gary Tuckett, Damien, Pincher, James Frost, Chris Poplar, Gareth Logan, Andrew Gardner
Match Comment: I had planned to use the word sagacious in description of Ian Johnson, but chose not to in respect of Gary Tuckett getting a paper cut from his dictionary.
03/12/2005 (H) vs PGSOB D, SW District 1
by Ian 'Better late than never' Johnson OPMs got back on the bike after the postponed game of the previous week and continued in their winning ways. The game was memorable for having a squad of 16 but Mingo deciding to only use 9 at one point in the 2nd half! At this point it should be noted that the author is writing this report belatedly and some of the ‘topical’ jokes may seem a bit old. Congratulations must go to the young Logan for an inspired debut report although he is incorrect in believing Luke P died during that week. True, Luke was involved in a bloody accident when he was wedged between two trolleys as he tried to ease a reluctant £1 coin out of the slot but it was not life threatening. He has already been put on the list for a face transplant but that has nothing to do with the accident. Missing from action were Andy, Toby and Chris P who is believed to have dislocated his shoulder-he should go and see a doctor about that! Pincher arrived beadless and it seemed to affect his sense of balance and his self-discipline. John H continued to train Poppy for the forthcoming series of ‘One man and his dog’ but it was worrying to see Damien responding to the dog whistle and actually making a very good ‘fetch’! The game was never in doubt and Gareth and Rob S had bagged 2 each by half-time. Gareth’s first was a fitting sweep to end a fine passing move involving Johnson and Honey. His 2nd was a mesmeric dribble and superb finish. Who would get the MOM? Saunders? Logan? Within 3 minutes of the 2nd half Rob S had answered that question with a series of spectacular misses and slips which enabled the teenage meals-on- wheels star to steal a march on the wookie-loving cyclist. Yet, with all these chances OPMs seemed to be losing the midfield battle and when Rob Cross was yellow carded for a cynical/imaginary challenge the gap in the centre became as big as Gary Tuckett’s underpants. Why? Because some dickhead had miscounted and we now only 9 players on the pitch. Luckily the long lost twins, Ian and Daniel Johnson, were at hand to fill the void. And soon normal service was resumed with Gary converting a short corner and Gareth finishing twice more although the 4th was from an embarrassing dribble and reverse stick poke which Gareth admitted: “I must have lost control of it 4 times……He (the keeper) just opened his legs at the last minute….!!” Meanwhile, Rob S had completely lost the plot and had as much chance of scoring as Peter Crouch. To seal his misery he lost concentration just as Gary was hitting a ‘16’ to him and only caught sight of it as it winged past him out of play. What a tosser! It finished 7-0 which reflected the fact that OPMs used numerous substitutions. Daniel Johnson made his debut and Jamie Hicks and Daniel Tuckett continue to grow in confidence. Goodships and Frost always looked threatening in support of the thrusting Rob C. In the clubhouse the aggrieved Rob C re-enacted his sending off with chips and Gareth treated everyone to a re-run of his 4 goals. Several of his team-mates attempted a mass suicide pact with the serrated edge of a tomato sauce sachet but in vain. I understand new features are to appear in the reports as we introducing guest writers. I look forward to ‘Pete’s Rant’, ‘Rhys Logan’s Sporting Focus’ and ‘Gary Tuckett’s end of year review of his favourite comics and dot-to-dots’. Score: OPM A 7-0 PGSOB D
OPM Scorers: Gareth Logan (4), Rob Saunders (2), Gary Tuckett
Team: Mingo, Ali Rose, Gary Tuckett, John H, Rob S, Damien, Ian J, Pete, Rob C, Pincher, Gareth (MoM - 4 goals and still only won by 1 vote!!), Jamie H, James F, James G, Daniel T, Daniel J
Match Comment: There isn’t one.
10/12/2005 (H) vs Tavistock B, SW District 1
by Gareth 'This game was last year' Logan
After several weeks being held against my will by a faction of extreme Welsh separatists in Llandewi Breffi, I secured my release and was at last able to right this match report. I would first like to thank Joshua Smith of form 2B for the use of his notepad, if my bit of note paper is correct we had a tough home encounter against Tavi, the game was hardly a classic but here are the game highlights. This was Andrew Gardner’s last game before he goes back to his homeland north of the border, before a trip to Germany to sample Bavaria’s finest ales. The opposition started as they meant to go on with some tough tackling in a bid to disrupt the OPM’s flowing style of play. It wasn’t long before the Welsh Clerical Officer rose to the bait and hit the ball goal bound after the whistle had gone, getting a green card for his troubles. The first goal came courtesy of a deflected Rob Cross shot at a short corner, with another added after some great work on the right by John H finished by Rob Cross with an assist from Andy G. OPM’s third goal came from another short corner ending in a drag flick from Andy G at the top of the D, the fourth also from Andy G was a little less impressive and drew comparisons to a tumbleweed but they all count. The fifth goal came from another soon to be departed player, “Pincher the poacher” who square cut the ball in the goal while ideally placed on the back post. That was about all I can remember about the match except the oppositions two goals, Pete and rob C’s tiff was it a good pass or a bad pass and John H headering the ball out of defence. Special mention should go to James G and Damien who mopped any lose play by the opposition up with authority. So with the match won we made are back to the clubhouse, OPM Head chef Ali Rose was on hand to cook us another fine meal with the youngest Logan helping to eat what surplus there was left over in the freezer. Pincher in his fastest and most clinical move of the day negotiated a string of chairs blocking his path, sold an unsuspecting James G a dummy and was the first to grab a sausage. This type of behaviour is apparently the norm for pincher according to Mrs. Pincher he “likes a bit of sausage”, I am going to finish now by wishing you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year (for next year anyway).
Score: O.P.M. 'A' 5-2 Tavistock BOPM scorers: Rob Cross(2), Andrew Gardner(2), Pincher
Team: Paul Mingo, James G (MoM), John Horton, Rob Cross, Ali Rose, Damien, Pincher, James Frost, Gareth Logan, Andrew Gardner, Pete Honey.
Match Comment: It has taken me so long to write this match report that I cant remember who our 12th man was that day, please feel free to not pass to me for the rest of the season!!!!!!!!!
17/12/2005 (A) vs Truro C, SW District 1
by Rob 'Could this be the longest report ever?' Cross
After a clear run into pointy head country the brave souls of the OPM 2nds made for the high ground that is Truro College. After acclimatising to the extreme height of the pitch the scoring was open up after a short corner stop and shot from the now not so sweaty Rob Cross (lean mean grilling machines will be on offer over the festive period for all lard concentrated snacks) Most of the opposition had about as much hair as the afore mentioned scorer, it was later pointed out by Gary that this was due to a lottery windfall allowing Truro hospital to buy a new pointy head flattening machine!
The second goal was scored by Gareth with a clever dribble and pass under the goal keepers feet… and actually in to the goal! With this kind of luck we knew Christmas was around the corner! The third goal was scored by “I like to spit my match tea on the table” Toby, recently back from his sex change, its amazing what 5 weeks of HRT can do a players form! With a spectacular goal via a cross from Pincher. The OPM’s looked a little scared after Toby had finished his 5 minute; one winged spitfire impression; goal celebration! The fourth goal scored again by Gareth the Storm Logan..sorry, I mean Gareth “don’t play me in that position” Strop Logan, Pete “Pass the Ball” Honey’s cross finding the placid striker in the D. Gareth managed a hit on goal that had all the characteristics of tumble weed!
Well with the goals out the way we can get on to the highlights of the game: First and by far the most important mention is for Russell “Hissy Fit” Moody, leaving up to his surname with a triple stick slam and a storm off the pitch! On leaving the words that can only be described as a nick name for Richard and a well know make of tennis racket, rang out to the Umps ears! To be fair to Moody he had just had a horrendous stick tackle in the D, and not 5 mins earlier a perfectly good goal disallowed! This poor decision was backed up in the changing rooms by the opposition defence agreeing that it had not hit anyone’s feet on the way into the goal, this evidence was offered up even before Gareth asked him to pick up the soap!
In other news…
Gareth spent 2 mins bashing his ball against the goal post of an open goal before hitting it at Pinchers back foot. Still he is getting better!
Russell did his bubbles the monkey impression by climbing the pitch fence after trying to out run a Johners ball to stick pass, the Cornish did not find this behaviour odd but offered him a traffic cone as head wear!
Slim Fast Cross also had a goal disallowed just before the whistle, when the Umpire in the other end of the pitch, possibly in another post code, decided that advantage was not being taken all be it that the nearer umpire was playing it!
So to match teas, possibly the highlight of most 2nd team players Saturdays. These came late and were again with out plates or cutlery, but when in Cornwall do as the Cornish do, so Toby spat his too hot tea on the table, which helped to stop the fight Gary was trying to start up with the Umpires.
The longest chip prize goes, after much competition, to James Goodship, photo evidence available here! It was nearly as long as Ally’s team talks! However this was judged by Gary and we all know how long he thinks 9 inches is!
Many thanks again to Joshua Smith Class 2 for the loan of his homework book for the match report. ( I am not sure that Ian Johnson will ever return his school book, poor kid has been in detention for 2 months as a result )
One to One interviews:
Gary” Defence was good apart form the one I let in just to see if Loogan “very” Senior could still bend down that far!
James Good ship “Wookie was very quiet except for an occasional Chewy mating call and Rob Logan was great in goal except for the occasional Aboriginal walkabout to the ½ way line…wobble board tactic!”
Rob no I did not have liposuction Cross “ well played James Frost, now pass me the low fat mayo “
OPM scorers: Rob Cross, Gareth Logan (2), Toby Harnett
Russell Owen-MoodyTeam: Pincher, Gareth Logan, Damian Hughes, James Goodship, Rob Cross, Ian Johnson, James Frost (MoM), Rob Saundes, Toby H, Gary Tuckett, Pete Honey, Rob Logan, Russell Moody Moody
21/01/2006 (H) vs Penzance B, SW District 1
by Gareth 'journeyman match reporter' 'Hey, I make up the nicknames Logan' 'Ever heard of a paragraph?' Logan
Another Saturday afternoon another game of hockey for OPM A, after last weeks disappointing result against PG’s (see Ian Johnson’s match report expected sometime in 2007) OPM A needed to get back to winning ways and they sure did that. It took us some time to break the deadlock but when we did it was a neat finish from Russell after a bit of scrappy play in the D, this was followed up by that young handsome match reporter, no not Ian Johnson the welsh one, with a good turn in the D, the man who had just finished delivering a hot meal to kitty Chumley slotted the ball home under the keeper. The third of our three first half goals came via James Frost who after chipping the ball in at the back post seemed to silence not just the away team but the home team as well with not a single player celebrating with him. Half time came and went the OPM’S were back on the attack with a thunderous shot from Dr Pop’s which was deflected goal bound by the in-form centre forward or is that in-firm? Anyway another attack with a good cross from the gaunt looking Rob Cross, he’s on the celery diet apparently, and young Logan was waiting 4 yards out to slot into the corner. Its was at this point that Simon Quincey introduced some champagne hockey straight from the first team to dilute the Asti Spimanti hockey we’re used to, with a cross from the right resulting in a audacious, through the legs, angled, one touch, first time, instinctive finish, flash B*****D. It was at this point that Russell on the right wing shouted at Rob C for a bit more of the ball Rob replied “you’ve had enough of the ball” and showed him his middle finger. The seventh goal came via Quincey with a fine shot after going round the goalie, he is not only giving Chris poplar a run for his money on the field but the astute medical examiner corrected a Chris poplar misdiagnosis, all we need now is a new lieutenant Monahan and the Japanese guy and we can start filming the remake with Chris Poplar Guest Starring as Dr Astin. It was at this point that I must recount with a heavy heart the death of my cream pumps, this piece of wanton destruction was caused by an unfair offer of a tug of war, between my shoe laces and a Penzance players stick (if anyone has a pair of Velcro trainers for sale I am interested). Well as you can guess I had a few words to say to the player in question before trudging off, at least Jack Horton understood although he still wouldn’t let me have any of his KFC. The eighth came from some nice interplay between Simon Q and Rob Cross ending in Simon lifting the ball into the net. It was at this point that defending a rare opposition short corner that Ali “Rob Roy MacGregor Laird of the Glens” Rose informed Ian Johnson that we needed to keep a clean scoooor sheet!!! The last goal came via another run by Rob Cross this time with Frosty on the end of it, he must have put some deodorant on at half time as people actually celebrated quite close to him. Well that’s nearly all the match action, all that’s left to say now is that even though there keeper conceded 9 goals he has apparently just completed his level 4 SAT’s which is one higher than me. Finally can we congratulate Toby, his budding acting career has apparently landed him a role in George Romero’s remake of his 1968 classic “Night of the Living Dead” he even came off at the end of match looking like he was re-enacting a scene where his character looses a rather large amount of blood. Quote of the match must surely go to Rob C with “if you want to play as a team, pass the ball to me”. so on we went to the clubhouse where James Frost claimed the MOM award and Rob Cross demanded ice immediately. We soon realized that something was wrong with Rob’s hand, was it the fact he had been hit, Hell no it’s just massive!!!!! Sarah then attempted some palm reading and if what she says is true he must almost be immortal with the size of his life line!!!! Next week we have Simon and Rhys unplanned and Rob’s instructional video “how to go round Rob Cross”. Special mention should go to Chris poplar who was back after his injury lay-off, Damien for coming to support and the defence for staying alert and awake for the whole game.
Score: O.P.M. 'A' 9-0 Penzance BOPM scorers: Gareth Logan (3), Simon Quincey (3), James Frost (2), Russell Owen-Moody
Team: James Goodship, Ali Rose, John Horton, Rob Cross, Ian Johnson, Chris Poplar, James Frost (MoM), Toby H, Simon Quincey, Russell-Owen Moody, Gareth Logan.
Pause for thought: John Horton and James Goodship also deserve a mention for the few bits of mopping up they had to do in defence what they had to do was done to high standard.
28/01/2006 (H) vs Falmouth, SW District 1
by Chris 'Dr Pops' Poplar
It was a cold and crisp winter morning, the air was filled with hope of a better future and the sounds of men ready for battle. As the mist cleared in the rising sun the green, flat pitch, that was to be the arena for the days conflict, rose like an Atlantis form the depths. Gareth slept on.
The knights of the OPM 2nd battalion arrived eager and on time, Falmouth arrived in ones and two's, as if knowing they were in for the fight of their lives. The sturdy, if somewhat short sighted, umpire for the day was Gary and it was credit to him that despite a defenders "brick-wall" mentality, he allowed the game to flow. AND FLOW IT DID!!!! Falmouth started with the ball and had a bright 5 minutes, a slightly sleepy and somewhat lackadaisical opm's team conceded a soft early goal from a short corner: Even as the flick rose majestically into the net all the opm's defenders were still behind the line; mutterings of "why is it all ways me who has to be the runner" could be heard from Ian. This spurred the team into life and for the rest of the half we wove a web of confusion and intrigue around them, we also managed to play some good possession hockey. "Some of those passages of play were the most fluent and constructive that i have seen all season" said Rhys, as he eyed things carefully from the touchline. The fine hockey continued but, alas the f***ing ball wouldn't go in the f***ing goal. Their midfield was marshaled by mick hucknell's younger brother who, after having had rings run around him, resorted to taunting. Fortunately for us he was even worse at taunting than he was at hockey. Late in the first half opm's equalised after some dazzling play and a shot from Simon 'head down and dribble' Quincey.(fortunately he's quite good at it so we can't really complain.) The second half continued with opm's domination and another early soft goal. The more interesting points were rob cross' lack of sweat ( recently attributed to abstinence from alcohol) and chris poplar getting a bollocking from john. After further valiant, but ultimately flawed, shots on goal and the odd fluke from their brave keeper we managed an equaliser from a short corner. Once again simon (hdad) quincey put one past the keeper. There were reports of seeing Ali well over the halfway line late in the second half but these were put down to mass hallucinations caused by the vivacity of ali's daydreams. James goodship in goal made a few fine saves, including one that was well outside the area. The post match debrief was positive with the focus on the good hockey rather than the bo*l**ks finishing. Gareth slept on. The real highlights of the day came in the bar afterwards, Ian's fantastic 2 for 1 deal on frozen chips that nearly started a riot in the high street and Gareth managed to turn up to the club house and claimed to have played - but no-one saw him. He concentrated his efforts on beer mat flipping and managed a solid 14 before close of play. report by doc "sod of to left half, rob cross" pops (p.s. note the carefully crafted paragraphs) Score: O.P.M. 'A' 2-2 FalmouthOPM scorers: Simon Quincey (2)
18/02/2006 (A) vs Tavistock A, SW District 1
by James Goodship
The start was late on Saturday afternoon. Praps a little expectation of a tough game made for a subdued meet at Plymouth College. With a gentle South Easterly breeze OPMs made way to Kelly College for a mighty duel with league leaders; Tavistock A.
Departure, left Mingo the Merciless psyched up as some confusion about who was the captain of the A team…..Duh..duh da Duhhh (well that could be interpreted as either suspense music or that of the well known TV show but this author will leave that to your imagination) Onto the game. Early arrival saw time for Plymouth’s finest to brief, de brief and re-breathe but all men were composed and ready for a fight. WE, are Plymouth OPM A! OPM started much better from the off but needed time to settle into the game. Close call at the first Short corner saw the ball pass wide on the left side but, with Tuckettt back in fine form the ball was soon out into the midfield for Rob and Simon to make the most of. Honey dashing left to right during attack sought a way through to awaiting attack and a smart touch from Simon saw the ball in the net. Alas poor Yorrick, the goal was disallowed for dangerous play in the D. Back on the attack Tavvi won another short. A well crafted short corner struck passed through the charging defenders and Mingo to what seemed to be the flying Scotsman’s legs as he made brave effort to keep the score level. From this point all players were tense and hard tackles lead to a green for Gareth and a group talk after the umpire called over the Captains. Defense held strong for the remainder of the half and, eager to get in amongst the foray, Gary was soon up in the opposition half strengthening the attack. A second good attempt on goal came from the stick of Johnners search for the bottom left corner but cleared by an acrobatic goalkeeper. Team talk at half time was all a blurr. The team re-energize on Jelly babies and listen avidly as all input to discussion. We can beat them, we just need more chances. A game of two halves a phrase once coined for football but very true of this battle. OPM put a very good performance in the first half, the second was awesome. For some time the ball remained in the opposition half, Tavvi were rattled. A Poorly struck free hit catching Pete unawares and there was uproar! Back chat from both sides lead only to the yellow of Tuckett as the phrase “He’s not playing the game Umpire” a short stay behind the goal for him. This said OPMs did not loose form, Gareth, now settled into his game challenge the defense on numerous occasions and Russ, with his turn of pace always in the right locale. And so, with Tuckett back on the pitch OPMS roared forwards but, Tavvi defense held strong. Short corners just weren’t working for us. Tavvi broke the mid field and were on a right wing attack. Goodship previously doing well in left back was beeten for pace by his marker chasing the length of the pitch saw no good but a good cross was targeted at the incoming attack at the penalty spot. Mingo, off his line had the first attacker covered but when the ball was missed it left Tuckett and Rose to deal with. Opportunity knocked and OPMs were 2-0 down. Goodship was depressed, as were many of the team but like a phoenix we rose. Cross, now heavily perspiring put in some excellent skill and both Saunders brothers had chances on the left wing. And then….. Repreive! A goal, from the stick of Cross ( Me thinks, but somewhat shortsighted apologies go if this was not the case). Whilst all were ecstatic, Logan made sly attempt to steal the knock back and return to the attack but, Tavvi did not appreciate the attempt. With Johnners off the pitch it was the duty of Phil Saunders to see off the Tavi Mid field. Excellent turn of pace and communication….’MINE’ saw another charge to the left wing. All players put excellent effort into the second half and we were extremely unlucky not to pull another goal back in the last few minutes. Another Short won but the Tavvi defense charged it down well. Simon put excellent effort into defense as this author was a little short on breath from keeping pace with the right wing. Tuckett held strong and Ali made excellent effort in keeping with the game. Special thanks must go to the Captain who kept the game alive for OPM with several great saves and some acrobatic floor work; confidence flowed from him like a million volts through an unfortunate golfer on a stormy day. Dejected, the score finished 2-1 to Tavistock A. We was robbed but the team rose very well to the occasion showing dedication to the cause. Bodmin, US, were here and you won’t catch us. There was a poor show at the opposition clubhouse. And, unfortunately the captain forgot his Left back letting him catch a ride with a triumphant Tavvi member. Hardly a highlight? Still, good food and beer washed down what for me was an excellent game of hockey and, although the leagues is in the bag for Tavvi, OPMS are on the rampage. Kind thanks go to our supporters, Stoney and Sarah. MOTM: Kermit the Frog The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...' Score: Tavistock A 2-1 O.P.M. 'A'
OPM scorer: Rob Cross
Gareth Logan
Gary Tuckett25/02/2006 (H) vs Bodmin A, SW District 1
by Ian 'He's back' Johnson
Apologies to all for the recent late (or non-existent) match reports due to a prolonged bout of decorating. The smell of Dulux ivory lace emulsion has been hard to get rid of, I can tell you. So it was with great anticipation that I hoped to be writing a report claiming a crucial victory over promotion rivals, Bodmin, which would give OPMs a relatively easy run in to secure the 2nd place promotion spot. But…..we lost. In fact we lost to 9 men. In doing so we played like geriatric dorks (OK...some of us are!) and the whole team deserves to be lined up and hosed down with a sweat solution created from Rob Cross’ jockstrap. We played ... PANTS!
= Poor grundies, turned up, nuff said
= Embarrassingly bad, arse crack showing, big pants
= Unsightly stains, skid marks and worn outside the shorts
- Mingo: Remained between the posts
- Ali: Got progressively more irate
- Gary: Kept pushing forward leaving his pace at the back
- John: Knowing John, he was probably happy with his performance
- Simon: Ran about a lot but not always in the right direction
- Damian: Stuck to his man with all the adhesive properties of semolina
- Ian: Played with both legs down one knicker. Gross.
- Chris: The midfielder maestro turned monkey. Give the man a banana.
- Rob C: The one armed bandit! Went to pieces during the 2nd half.
- Pete: Scored but as effective as chocolate shin pads
- Rob S: Patrolled the left with his stick up his wookie
- Gareth: Forgot how to move and suffered panic attacks in front of goal.
OPM scorer: Pete Honey
Team: Paul Mingo, Ali Rose, Gary Tuckett, John Horton, Simon Quincey, Damian Hughes, Ian Johnson, Chris Poplar, Rob Cross, Pete Honey, Rob Saunders, Gareth Logan
04/03/2006 (A) vs Plymouth Marjon D, SW District 1
by Rob 'I'll be back' Logan
The team turned up at the college of St Mark & St John decimated by availability. The arrival of John Horton from the principality gave the team ten players, the call was made to Logan senior to play in goal, and nobody had told James though. A crisp spring day met the players and bright sunshine made an unusual appearance, mustering the bare eleven we took to the pitch, “ gee how many players they got” said Gary, “can’t play them all at once” replied Logan senior.
The game was off , OPM `s trying to out manoeuvre Plymouth and vice versa, the first half was a bit of a midfield stalemate with both side unable to finish their moves off. Johnners got an early lecture from the umpires but it must have been his deaf ear as he carried on from where he left off! A goal for OPM`s came shortly before halftime with James Goodship finishing well at the back post, he also wins celebration of the season, 1-0 half time. The second half saw a much brighter start from OPM`s with Russ and Gareth doing well up front and the midfield moving the ball earlier. Pete pulled his calf and had a quick rub from Sarah!! (No Gary there is not an appointments system), this saw James Frost drop to Right half with the rejuvenated Honey Left wing. It was in fact Pete who scored the second latching on to Gareth’s through ball and finishing just inside the post. Plymouth threw everything at OPM`s in the second half, well mostly at Gary! Ali made a couple of his usual “he will never win the ball cleanly” last ditch tackles to preserve the slender lead, whilst on the right John was having a stormer repelling wave after wave of marauding youngsters, typical ex-teacher! Whilst on John I must recall a classic, (Rob) “Ali pass the ball square to John” (John) “I’ve been waiting two years for that ball and it still hasn’t come”. Two green cards were shown one to Johnners (totting up rule) and one to Rob C (illegal use of a chainsaw). Late in the game one of Gary forward runs was abruptly stopped by a youngster deliberately tripping him, very dangerous when you are running at full speed, not according to the umpires, who between them deemed a free hit the only punishment. Final note in keeping the ball in play, Johnners careered into the fence surrounding the pitch and has lovely patchwork knees and stretched the big elastic band at the back of his leg!! Seriously, hope you’re alright MATE! Thanks Also to Sarah and Paul for there support. Score: Plymouth Marjon D 0-2 O.P.M. 'A'OPM scorers: James Goodship, Pete Honey
Ian Johnson, Rob CrossTeam: Rusty, Johnners, J.H, Ali (capt), Frosty, Gman, Phoney, Rob c, The Gardener, Mr Logan and Mr Goodshipman- Worthingtons